Bringin Sexy Back

Caution: The following may be TMI for some. Consider yourself warned.

"You look great! You don't look like you've had a baby!" Those words are music to my ears. Hearing that never gets old. But the truth is... I DO look like I've had a baby. The only reason people say that is because they see me with clothes on. Naked... I most definitely look like I've had a baby. And it grosses me out. Sure, I lost the baby weight. BUT losing the baby weight and looking good naked are 2 very different things.

Cellulite. Stretch marks. Flab. Sexy right? Those were never words that I would've used to describe my pre-baby body. Now... they are the only words to describe my post-baby body. The doctor recommended that I gain 25-35 lbs while pregnant. I gained exactly 35. I would've gained a whole lot more if I hadn't been diagnosed with gestational diabetes at 28 weeks. At 28 weeks I had already gained 30 lbs, so I guess that diagnosis was sort of a blessing in disguise since I was well on my way to gaining 50+ lbs. I didn't have a single stretch mark while I was pregnant. I was foolish enough to think that not a single one would pop up after I lost the weight. Well one did. Along with about 15 others. And they're all on my left hip and left boob. Only on the left side.. like I only gained weight there. It's bizarre. Don't get me wrong, I'm stoked that I don't look like a tiger with them all over the place.. but I don't understand why they are only on the one side like I was some freaky lopsided pregnant lady. Weird. My stomach is flabby and squishy. Pushing on it is like pushing on a water bed or squeezing a water balloon. The tiny hole where I once had my belly button pierced has stretched into a not so tiny hole and is a lot more noticeable now. My hips are wider. I'm not sure if I'll ever get rid of my acquired love handles which I don't love at all. What a stupid name. My boobs feel like jello and my nipples are permanently darker. My thighs... ugh, I don't even want to get started on those bad boys. 2 positives: my tattoos didn't stretch and morph into something weird and my husband likes my new booty. Woo to the hoo.

Kudos to the women that say "I earned every one of those stretch marks! I'm proud of them!" I think we should "earn" something cool like to go back to that pre-baby size 2,4,6,8,10 or whatever size we were happy with immediately after having our little ones. I mean we DID grow and bring another human into this world! We deserve better! I wonder if those women actually believe that or if they have convinced themselves of that to make them feel better about their new mom bod. Either way, I wish I could be like that. OF COURSE it's worth it. OF COURSE we would chop off our right arms to have our babies. DUH. I just can't help but feel self conscious when I look at my naked self in the mirror. I know that I can do something about it (work out to tone it up) but I don't have the time with my attention crazed little one. On days that I do have the time, I don't have the energy. So for now I'll just look at my mom bod and complain that it's not what it once was. Oh well. I've got 6 months until I'll be anywhere near a swimsuit so maybe I'll lose my sexy mom bod by then. In the meantime, I want no part of bikinis or Victoria's Secret magazines. Oh, some of them are moms too? Ugh. Someone pass me the hot fudge. And a spoon.