Today was one of the grossest days that I've had thus far in Mommyland. There have been a lot of gross days.......... The night I was so exhausted that I didn't realize brand new Max had pooped in my bed and I slept in it; the day Max spit up IN my mouth; or the day his little booty turned into a cannon and his projectile poo shot out like a rocket over the edge of the changing table and all over the floor and myself. All of these mentioned incidents happened very early on so nothing of that nature has happened in a while.
Until today.
Once a day I let Max run around for a bit in the nude. It airs out his booty, he giggles and squeals as he embraces his "freedom" and I just love to see that cute little tush running around. Anyway, this afternoon naked Max walked into the kitchen. I called for him and as he rounded the corner he started crying. That's odd, I thought. Nothing touched him and he didn't fall. Hmm. Oh well. He took a few steps into the living room and I noticed that he had something in his mouth. Before you could say "what's he chewing on?" I was kneeling next to him doing the finger sweep. A mushy brown substance fell onto my finger. "What is it?" Husband asks. "Dog food" I tell him. Max has been known to eat a kibble or two. I walk into the kitchen to discard the "dog food" and wash my hands when I see it. A turd. A turd and a tiny puddle of pee on the kitchen floor.
Oh. Em. Gee.
"Umm... it wasn't dog food" I yell to hubby. He enters the kitchen. "It's poop!" He exclaims. Why yes, husband, yes it is poop. I clean up the poop, wash my hands, and SERIOUSLY fight back the urge to vomit. My sweet little baby had poo in his mouth. GAG GAG GAG. I put a diaper on Max and I go to town brushing his teeth and scrubbing his tongue with his toothbrush. In my mind I am wishing he was old enough for mouthwash. Max cries. He does not like the tongue scrubbing. "Too bad," I tell him, "maybe if you weren't being freaking disgusting I wouldn't have to do this!" As if he knows what I'm saying. Then I remember... he was crying after he put it into his mouth. Hmm... maybe he had the sense to realize that it was nasty and he didn't like the taste. But probably not. I am hoping I caught him before he swallowed any but who knows.
Later this evening after I recovered from the poo in mouth incident- and "recovered" is not an exaggeration... I think husband is still traumatized. I didn't see him go near Max's mouth for the rest of the day- I put Max in the tub and emptied his net of bath toys. I stepped out for MAYBE 2 seconds to grab a wash cloth and when I knelt by the tub I noticed it. Turds.
Are you kidding me?? Not again. I know all kids poop in the tub at least once but Max had yet to do this and frankly, I had had enough poop for the day. Max looked at me, grinned, and tried to drink his bath water out of his bucket. Umm, no. Not again. I get Max out of the tub, get rid of the floaties, drain the water and refill. I quickly wash Max and do not let him play out of fear that more floaties will soon appear. Fortunately, they do not and I was not subject to poo for the rest of the evening.
YUCK. What a day. I could go without dealing with that for the rest of my life... but I'm sure that is not the last of our adventures in pooping. And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is why (among other reasons) we vaccinate! But I won't elaborate on that...... that's a whole nother can of worms.
Am I the only one whose house isn't clean???? I mean, really... am I?
Having a 13 month old who gets into EVERYTHING and empties his living room toy box numerous times a day does not help my already in-need-of-a-good-scrub-down house. My house is a constant wreck! And not just from clutter... although I HATE clutter. It would be really awesome to have a play room.......... ah, maybe someday....
Seriously my kitchen floor hadn't been mopped in who knows how long until I finally got fed up and did it at 8:30 last night once Max was snoozing. I really try to keep up on it and give my house a good cleaning once a week. Wellllllllllll, it seems like I get it half clean once a week and then I am interrupted by Max waking up or trying to get into the cabinet with the cleaning products or throwing food onto my freshly cleaned floor. It seems nearly impossible to keep it clean! Let me tell you, when I get a free hour, the last thing I want to do is pick up a sponge and some 409. I wanna take a bath... or catch up on my recorded shows in peace.... or drink my coffee while browsing pintrest without worrying about Max supermanning it off of the couch, again. Since I don't have a "real job" it's my job to not only take care of Max but the cooking and cleaning as well. I freaking hate cleaning. And cooking for that matter. I actually only enjoy playing with Max. That's it. I wish that was my only responsibility....... unfortunately we all need to eat. And not live in filth. Bah humbug.
Here is a list of what needs to be done around my house:
-Clean mudroom
-Vacuum & dust living room
-Organize the junk & clutter that has gathered on the computer desk
-Clean bathroom
-Vacuum & dust both bedrooms
-Start laundry
Here is a list of what's going to get done today:
-Play with Max
-Fix Max lunch, dinner, and snacks since breakfast is already out of the way
-Take shower when Max naps
Oh and maybe cook husband dinner too. Or he can eat leftovers. Yes, leftovers. Are all of you other SAHM's living in a clean organized home?? If your answer is yes, keep it to yourself. No one likes braggers. Plus the rest of us may feel like punching you in the throat.
Oh.. hello, September. August was a blur! Frankly, the whole summer was... but especially August! We spent half of the month in the midwest visiting family and celebrating Max's FIRST BIRTHDAY!!!!!! YAY!!
So hard to believe that my baby boy is 1! He had a FANTASTIC birthday and party. We did a Sesame Street theme since he is a big fan :-) He had a great time eating cake and opening his presents... even though he was more interested in the tape and tissue paper... typical! He got more toys and books and clothes than he possibly needed but we are very grateful for our family and friends who came and made his day so special! While we were home, Max learned to walk!!!!!!!! He had been taking 2-3 steps since June but 1 week after his birthday he let go of the couch, walked across the room and hasn't looked back! We are so proud of our big boy! And now that I took forever since my last post...... he is actually 13 months tomorrow. Where does the time go????
Here are some pictures from his party:
