As 2011 comes to an end, I look back on the past year and am amazed by how much has changed!
December 2010- After living in a hotel for 3 weeks, we move into our house. Mike & I spend our 1st Christmas together as a married couple and last one without a baby! I have my first doctor's appointment and my due date is set for August 8, 2011.
January 2011- Happy New Year! I spent most of this month decorating and organizing our new house. Heard baby's heartbeat for the first time this month also :)
February 2011- We made it through the 1st trimester! I have my first ultrasound at 13 weeks. Seeing our little nugget for the first time was amazing! Baby was very cooperative. We even saw something questionable between his legs ;) Ultrasound tech says, "now don't go out and buy all blue or anything but I would say that you're having a boy!" We were so excited! I was convinced that we were having a girl before this ultrasound so I was surprised. My mother's intuition was wrong! Megan came to visit us and was the first one from back home to see my baby bump. "Baby" is named Max. We chose that name while we were dating... long before even the thought of conception. Our baby was going to be named Max whether he was a boy or a girl. The middle name depended on the sex (Max Henry vs. Max Harper) but our baby was always Max!
March 2011- My mom & sister came to visit and the shopping for baby begins! Nana bought baby a car seat and stroller and we bought a crib and bedding (against the ultrasound tech's advice) and began to decorate the nursery. Mother-in-law sends us to pick out a rocker/recliner for baby's room. Yes, it was early, but we were so excited!
April 2011- Bailey & Richelle come to visit and we do more shopping for baby... added a swing and Bumbo seat to the mix. Mother-in-law comes to visit and is able to go to our next ultrasound where we found out that yes, it's a BOY! We buy clothes, clothes, and more clothes! Mike is working a crazy schedule and is never home so I ride back to the midwest with mother-in-law to spend a couple of weeks so that I am not home by myself. My dad and the rest of my girlfriends see my ever growing baby belly for the 1st time.
May 2011- Bailey hosts a baby shower for me and baby Max before I head back home. We are very spoiled! I fly back home, so excited to see my hubby after 3 weeks. I enter the 3rd trimester and fail my glucose test. Uh-oh, I have gestational diabetes. I meet with dietician who teaches me about my new diet and how to check my blood sugar 4x a day (yuck!) Mike turns 26.
June 2011- Mike's passes his inspection at work and his schedule slows down a bit. I begin to have coffee once a week with a group of other wives and finally make some friends! They all have little ones too so I am excited to have some mommy friends! I turn 24.
July 2011- I am miserable and hot and very pregnant. I thought for sure Max would come at the end of July, but nope! We find out that Mike's training gets moved from August 20 to August 1st which means he will be gone if Max doesn't come before then. July 30, my mom flies to here to be with me since baby did NOT come before Mike left. Mike leaves July 31st. I am still pregnant.
August 2011- Mom & I spend the first week walking and walking and walking... trying to get Max outta my belly! I set an induction date of August 9 if baby is not here before. I am having contractions every 3-5 minutes and I go to the hospital 3 times that week thinking that I am in labor but I get sent home after a couple of hours without dilation progress. I was not in "active labor" yet. Sunday August 7, 2011 I am finally in active labor! I am admitted to the hospital at 6 a.m. and our baby boy, Max Henry, is born at 9:10 p.m. 7 lbs, 15oz, 21.5 in long. My angel baby is finally here! Mom stays with me for another week. Mike is able to come home the weekend after Max is born and meets his 6 day old son for the first time. Gay (mother-in-law) comes and spends 2 weeks with us. I am nursing and getting used to being mommy to a little boy that is immediately a mama's boy. Gay leaves and I spend 2 weeks alone with Max.
September 2011- Mike graduates from his training and gets to take 10 days of paternity leave. We decide to drive to the midwest and spend a week there so our dads and friends can meet baby Max.
October 2011- Max's first Halloween! He is a spider :)
November 2011- Mike & I celebrate our first anniversary and head to the midwest to spend 3 weeks at home with family & friends.
Whew! And here we are! December 30, 2011. We have been married a little over a year and are thoroughly enjoying being parents to our precious baby Max who will be 5 months old next weekend! We have adjusted quite well to parenthood. I love being a mommy and Mike is a fantastic dad. Seeing him with Max just melts my heart. Max brings so much joy to our lives and we are so blessed to have been chosen as his parents. So much has happened in the past year and I gladly welcome 2012. I am so excited to see what is in store for our family. Happy New Year, friends!
That's right! This evening as I was letting Max gnaw on my finger, I felt something hard and sharp. What?! Could it be?! I pry his mouth open, push his tongue out of the way, and I see it. The skin on his bottom gums has broken and I can see a sliver of a tooth. Yahoo!!! It's popping through! It just happened a few hours ago because this morning I could not feel anything yet.
Teething is an awful traumatic process, both for baby and mommy. Poor baby is whiny and fussy and in pain. They want to chew on anything and everything in sight. If they can grab it, in their mouth it goes. Fountains of drool fall from their sweet little lips and soak their clothes. Say goodbye to those few decent hours of sleep that everyone in the house is getting because baby's gums hurt & they will cry and jibber jabber because they hurt. The excessive amount of drool + gnawing and rubbing their fists on their face= chapped face/rash. Some believe it can cause them to run a slight temperature. Some also believe that it can cause diarrhea from swallowing the excess saliva (hmm.. that's where I'll place the blame for the 3 blowouts he's had this week). Baby is tired, irritable and just plain miserable. It is quite a terrible process. And it lasts for months.. and months... and months............
Max started the drooling and chewing around 2 months. Some days he is fussier than usual and extra drooly. This past week he has been in a terrible mood and has slept like crap most nights (lucky me). I noticed a couple days ago that right in the middle of his bottom gums there was a swollen bump. "I think there's a tooth coming" I say to husband. And voila! Today, I can see it! I am happy that I see the tooth. It means that there is a reason for all of the drool and fussiness and sleepless nights and maybe, JUST MAYBE, he will begin to feel better and we will all get a little relief. For now anyway. 1 down, 19 to go.... Oh geez. Well, that's one good thing about no longer breastfeeding. I lost the risk of having my nipple bitten off by those tiny razor sharp piranha teeth. I shudder at the thought.
Caution: The following may be TMI for some. Consider yourself warned.
"You look great! You don't look like you've had a baby!" Those words are music to my ears. Hearing that never gets old. But the truth is... I DO look like I've had a baby. The only reason people say that is because they see me with clothes on. Naked... I most definitely look like I've had a baby. And it grosses me out. Sure, I lost the baby weight. BUT losing the baby weight and looking good naked are 2 very different things.
Cellulite. Stretch marks. Flab. Sexy right? Those were never words that I would've used to describe my pre-baby body. Now... they are the only words to describe my post-baby body. The doctor recommended that I gain 25-35 lbs while pregnant. I gained exactly 35. I would've gained a whole lot more if I hadn't been diagnosed with gestational diabetes at 28 weeks. At 28 weeks I had already gained 30 lbs, so I guess that diagnosis was sort of a blessing in disguise since I was well on my way to gaining 50+ lbs. I didn't have a single stretch mark while I was pregnant. I was foolish enough to think that not a single one would pop up after I lost the weight. Well one did. Along with about 15 others. And they're all on my left hip and left boob. Only on the left side.. like I only gained weight there. It's bizarre. Don't get me wrong, I'm stoked that I don't look like a tiger with them all over the place.. but I don't understand why they are only on the one side like I was some freaky lopsided pregnant lady. Weird. My stomach is flabby and squishy. Pushing on it is like pushing on a water bed or squeezing a water balloon. The tiny hole where I once had my belly button pierced has stretched into a not so tiny hole and is a lot more noticeable now. My hips are wider. I'm not sure if I'll ever get rid of my acquired love handles which I don't love at all. What a stupid name. My boobs feel like jello and my nipples are permanently darker. My thighs... ugh, I don't even want to get started on those bad boys. 2 positives: my tattoos didn't stretch and morph into something weird and my husband likes my new booty. Woo to the hoo.
Kudos to the women that say "I earned every one of those stretch marks! I'm proud of them!" I think we should "earn" something cool like to go back to that pre-baby size 2,4,6,8,10 or whatever size we were happy with immediately after having our little ones. I mean we DID grow and bring another human into this world! We deserve better! I wonder if those women actually believe that or if they have convinced themselves of that to make them feel better about their new mom bod. Either way, I wish I could be like that. OF COURSE it's worth it. OF COURSE we would chop off our right arms to have our babies. DUH. I just can't help but feel self conscious when I look at my naked self in the mirror. I know that I can do something about it (work out to tone it up) but I don't have the time with my attention crazed little one. On days that I do have the time, I don't have the energy. So for now I'll just look at my mom bod and complain that it's not what it once was. Oh well. I've got 6 months until I'll be anywhere near a swimsuit so maybe I'll lose my sexy mom bod by then. In the meantime, I want no part of bikinis or Victoria's Secret magazines. Oh, some of them are moms too? Ugh. Someone pass me the hot fudge. And a spoon.
Today mommy tried an experiment: food! Little man has been eating the occasional rice cereal for the past few weeks (and when I say occasional I mean that he loved it for a few nights, refused to open his mouth for it a few nights, went back to liking it somewhat for a few nights, refused it again...) Introducing him to new things has been an interesting process. He isn't very gung-ho about experimenting... but I thought, why not try it?
I know a lot of moms gave their babies cereal earlier than I did, while others yell NO! Nothing but breastmilk for the first year! Well guess what, my milk dried up when Max was 3 months old (no, I did not meet with a lactation specialist. I just let it happen. Bite your tongues.) I go by what Max's doctor says. He recommended waiting until 4 months for cereal so that's what I did. At Max's 4 month check up I told him about our cereal progress and he gave me the green light to introduce new foods.. no more than 1 new food a week though, and no combination foods yet. I just nod and do what he says. Lately Max has seemed interested in our food and stares at us while we eat so I thought ok, let's try it!
First actual food: sweet potatoes. I steamed a sweet potato, scooped out the inside and blended it with some nursery water (got to use my Ninja food processor for the first time- yippee!) Look at me making my own little puree! I was proud of myself and stoked for Max to try it. Surely he will LOVE sweet potatoes! Mmm... not so much. Not really at all actually. First of all, he was being stubborn and wouldn't open his mouth so I decided to do the "spoon is an airplane" technique to get his attention. He opened his mouth and smiled with glee as he stared at the spoon. I went in for the kill. Just a little in his mouth. He just needs to TASTE it, then he will see that it's yummy. No. He made an awful face like I had squirted lemon juice into his mouth. Out came the sweet potatoes. He looked at me like "are you nuts mom?" I tried again. Just a little in his mouth. He licked his lips, made a sour face and swallowed. Yes! He swallowed! Victory is mine! Another spoon into his mouth. Out it came. Another spoon. Out it came. Gah! I tried again. Out it came. He made the lemon face again and shook his head. I tried again. This time he zeroed in on the spoon and grabbed. Oh geez, sweet potatoes everywhere. I pushed his sleeves up, held his hands down and tried again. Mini swallow. Followed by lemon face and spit. That's it! I give up! I clean him up and give him a bottle... his one true love. He sucks it down. Alright, I get it. You'd rather have the bottle.
Today's food experiment was a fail. We will try again another time. Sweet potatoes.. not so sweet in Max's opinion.
Merry Christmas! It is our first Christmas as a family of 3 :) Christmas is much more fun when you have a little one to buy for... even if he is only 4.5 months! Max got a Jump-a-roo from Santa. He LOVES it. I put it together a few days ago so he didn't officially get it on Christmas day, but he doesn't know the difference! It took him a couple of days to get the hang of it, but once he did, he has been jumping and bouncing and smiling ever since! He loves it & it seems to keep him occupied for more than 5 minutes at a time... which makes it an awesome present for mommy too :)
Our first Christmas with Max has been a success! He slept ALL night (another great present for mommy!), he allowed me to get one decent picture of him in his elf outfit before he spit up all over it, and he officially started rolling today! I don't mean the occasional fluke roll that they do on accident and then don't do again for another month... I mean as of today, he is a ROLLING MACHINE. He rolled from back to belly while reaching for a toy, realized that he liked doing it, and hasn't stopped since. After rolling a few times, he raised himself up on his elbows and knees and scooted himself backwards totally off of his activity mat! Husband & I stared with our mouths open and I started shrieking "OMG! He is going to be crawling in NO time!" He then face planted and began to snort and fuss so I picked him up before he got rug burn on his nose. I laid him on his back on his activity mat and before I could turn around, he rolled onto his belly again and was up on his elbows! I am in for it! He is going to be moving all over the place very soon. Better baby proof this house ASAP!
Merry Christmas Eve! Today has been a great day at our house. Max was only up once in the night and slept until 9 a.m., husband is off work... we have been relaxing and eating and watching football (NOT my choice but when husband has the potential to win $$ from fantasy football, I'll deal with it. And only complain a little.) I even took a nap with my little man while husband watched football. YES, WE BOTH TOOK A NAP. That makes for a great day in and of itself! Max drank a bottle and we were spooning on the couch and we both went to sleep. It was great. Until I woke up 45 minutes later, having drooled on Max's head (oops) and noticed an awful pain in my arm. Remember, "little" man weighs almost 20 lbs and was KILLING my arm. I would rather amputate my arm than wake him from his nap so I quickly had to make a decision. Do I continue to deal with the pain and let him sleep or do I move my arm which is SURE to wake him? Ow, ow, ow. Ok, he's gotta go. I whisper for husband to come take him AND HURRY. He still sleeps. We lay him in the living room pack n play. He still sleeps. WHAT?! Yes! Merry Christmas to me! He continued to sleep for another 45 minutes and then I heard him jabbering to himself so I went to get him.
One of my favorite moments is when I pop my head over the edge of the pack n play and he sees me. Immediate smile from ear to ear and I squeal a "hi, ____!" (fill in the blank with whatever made up name I've come up with that day) He is so happy when he first wakes up! I grab him, squeeze him, give him about 15 kisses, change his diaper, feed him a bottle, and then it's play time! Max loves to play. He's sitting on my belly and I have both of his hands and we're bouncing and being silly and I go to kiss him... and that's when it happens. There was no sound. No warning. I just felt it. And smelled it. And.... tasted it? OMG. Yep, that just happened. He puked on my mouth and down my shirt. GAG GAG GAG. Any sort of spit up is disgusting. Formula spit up is rancid. It is way worse than when he was breastfeeding. That awful sour milk smell... and it's stringy... and... it's on my mouth. OMG. EW EW EWWWWW. I lay him down and grab the burp cloth to clean myself off. SICK. I am fighting back the urge to vomit myself. YUCK YUCK YUCK. That SMELL! UGH!
Now, worse bodily fluids have been on me. At the beginning, he would projectile poo all over the place. All over the changing table, the floor, and even me. I can't count the number of times that he has peed on me. But nothing worse has been in my mouth than spit up. Gross. I would rather drink his pee. Not kidding. Spit up smells and it stains and it's just all around nasty. And it was in my mouth. Merry Christmas to me.
Today was a sad day for mommy. Today I packed up Max's clothes that he has outgrown and gave them away. I had no idea that he would outgrow them so fast :( People always say that they do but you really don't understand until you are boxing up those tiny newborn and 0-3 month outfits and realizing how little he once was. What happened to my bitty baby??
I am so very thankful that Max is a healthy boy. I just didn't realize how big he would get in such a short amount of time. At 4.5 months, he is almost 20 lbs. Yes, he is a VERY big boy! 96 percentile for weight, 99 percentile for height. My tiny baby is no longer tiny. He is now in 6/6-9 month clothes. I was NOT prepared for that! With each outfit I folded, I boxed up the memory linked to it. That was the outfit he wore to his first doctor's appointment. That was the one he wore the first time he met his daddy. That's the gown he slept in that first night we were home from the hospital. That's the hat he never got to wear because his head was too big. Those were his first pair of shoes. That's the sweater he wore for his 3 month pictures. That's the shirt he was wearing when he pooped clear up to his neck while mommy was having coffee with her friends.... I remember every time he wore each outfit, where he wore it and what we were doing. Maybe I shouldn't be so attached to those clothes....... but they aren't just CLOTHES. They are memories of my baby's first few months in this world. Tear.
I kept a few outfits. The one he wore when I brought him home from the hospital. A few of our favorites... but 99% of them went to a friend that is expecting their first child.. which they found out yesterday is a boy :) I know that they will be put to good use. We aren't planning on another child until Max is 4 or 5 and we will most likely be moving before then... husband doesn't want to hold onto boxes and boxes of clothes. "It's fun to buy new ones, remember?" He tells me. Yes, I remember. But that still doesn't make it easy. I teared up while packing them. I am excited to hear him say "mama" for the first time. I am excited to see him wobbling around the house. I am excited to see the little person that he will grow into.... but at the same time, I don't want my baby to no longer be a baby! Another tear.
I was reminded to cherish each day that I am blessed to spend with him. Before I know it, he will be grown. Life goes too fast, so don't blink. And now the waterworks......
I love my son. I love cuddling with him. I love that he's such a mama's boy. But man oh man is he a clingy baby! I get it. Babies are clingy, babies are needy. Duh. I just think that my baby is a step above the normal clingy-ness (I may have just made that word up). But maybe I'm wrong? I'm new at this, remember?
Max is the perfect baby. As long as he is being held. He laughs and smiles and plays and loves to be loved on. Lay him down and it's game over. He will release the most awful blood curdling scream within 30 seconds. The kid can turn it on FAST. One minute after laying him down, he is having the most horrendous meltdown and I am worried that his head will start spinning like the girl from The Exorcist. No lie. His face turns red and he's digging and clawing at his face like Freddy Krueger. He knows that once he starts this, I'll immediately pick him up because the last thing I want is my baby to be self mutilating. I pick him up. Immediate silence. I look at him and realize that there were no actual tears. He got me. I fell for it. "You are a rotten little boy!" I tell him. He grins the biggest cutest grin and I know that he's thinking "I win again." I sigh. Well, guess I won't load the dishwasher right now.
Nap time? Ha! Max is the KING of cat naps. He takes little cat naps here and there all day. The catch is: I have to be holding him. Because, remember, if I lay him down, he might try to claw his eyeballs out just to spite me. So I do. I hold him so he'll nap for 20 minutes here, 45 minutes there. Gasp! I HOLD him while he naps?? I don't lay him down and let him get himself to sleep??? I don't allow him to self soothe?? Sometimes babies need to just cry it out! YEP. I SURE DO. I DO THOSE THINGS. Oh the horror! Pshh, please. I do what I have to do to get him to nap. Even if it's only for 20 minutes. Whatever. I can not bring myself to let him cry. I HATE IT. A few nights ago he was screaming for no reason other than the fact that I laid him down. I went to pick him up and husband says "no, he's fine. I'm letting him cry until 8:40 and then I'll get him." I look at the clock. 8:34. OMG. Six minutes? Oh man. Ok, I can do it. At 8:37 I stand up. Husband pulls me back to the couch. "No." He says. "Ugh! I can't do it! I can't stand it! Just go GET HIM!" (I may have been squealing) Husband laughs. "Nope, 3 minutes." The next 3 minutes were the longest 3 minutes of my life. I sat on the edge of the couch shaking and gritting my teeth. As soon as that clock changed to 8:40, I was off like a rocket. I scooped up my baby and bounced and shushed him. Immediate silence. I look at Max. He smiles. Bah! He wins again! I am such a sucker!
I did this to myself. I am lucky enough to be a stay at home mom. So it's just me and my little man. All day every day. Husband was away at a job training when Max was born. So it was just me and Max at the beginning, and most days it still is because husband works long hours. I held Max ALL THE TIME simply because I wanted to. I just wanted to cuddle with him and take naps and so we did. We're like best friends. But now, he's 4.5 months old and is attached to my hip 24/7. If I could sew him to my side, he would be thrilled! He loves his mama and I love him. But c'mon, mama needs to shower. Mama needs to throw the clothes in the dryer. Mama needs to take the dog out. FOR THE LOVE OF MOSES MAMA NEEDS TO PEE. You would think that he would get tired of being held. You would think that he would want his space once in a while. You would think that he would want to stretch out and play. No. He doesn't. He wants to do whatever I'm doing with me. So I let him. So sue me. Some days it drives me absolutely bonkers... but I remind myself that he won't be little for long and pretty soon he will be crawling all over the place and won't want me to hold him all the time. So for now, I hold him. I let him win over and over and over. And when I get tired of letting him win, and need a small victory of my own... I whip out the bulb syringe and go on booger patrol. He hates that with a passion. I get a little satisfaction out of that. Mommy-1, Max-875,981,234. Eh, you win some, you lose some.
Let me just paint a picture of the past 4 nights:
Night 1: Max was up fussing every 2 hours
Night 2: He went to bed at 11 p.m., woke up at 1:15 a.m. and thought it was party time until 6 a.m.
Night 3: A better night, he only woke up once but I slept terribly because our bedroom morphed itself into the Sahara desert and I kept waking up sweaty.
Night 4: Fell asleep at 10:30 p.m., woke up at 12:30 a.m. and proceeded to wake up approximately every 30 min or so until 5:30 a.m. fussing because he lost his paci and wanted me to hold the paci in his mouth and also hold his hand (have I mentioned that he is a TOTAL mama's boy?)
Sweet, right? Yes, in hindsight it was sweet. And I probably would've thought so at the time if I wasn't so exhausted to the point of serious frustration. At 5:30 this morning, I am rocking Max and feeding him a bottle.. on the verge of tears from pure exhaustion when hubby comes into the room to tell us goodbye before he leaves for work. He kisses Max and says "I think mommy's mad at you right now". Max grins. Mike laughs. I sigh and shake my head. Mike kisses me on the forehead and says, "you're a good mom, babe". "Yeah well I don't feel like I am right now," I say. "Aw, is it because you feel like he hates you because he won't sleep?" Mike asks. Um, no, that wasn't my thought actually but thank you for that. "I meant because I'm frustrated," I tell him. "Oh. Well try to take advantage of his nap today & get some sleep," he tells me. Ugh. "I CAN'T. They are coming to look at the heater today" (remember Sahara desert) "Plus I need to do laundry and clean and...." my voice trails off. Ugh. I am even more exhausted just thinking about what all I have to get done. Plus Max hasn't been napping well, what makes husband think that he'll start today? "Ok well just try. Bye, love you." And husband escapes to work. Max falls asleep and I go back to bed. Go figure I lay in bed thinking instead of sleeping. I peek over at Max in his pack n play next to my bed (where yes, he still sleeps after 4.5 months. That $500 crib?? It's currently more of a laundry basket, but that's besides the point) He is snoozing away making sweet little sounds as he dreams. I feel guilty. I was mad at him. I was frustrated and irritated with him for not sleeping. Bad mommy. I pat his belly and whisper "I'm sorry". Bad mommy?
I have always wanted to be a mom. I'm going to be the best mom ever, I thought. I will do this and that, I'll NEVER do this or that. I'll always be patient, I'll always... blah, blah blah. It's true, everyone is the perfect parent until they actually become a parent. You judge actual parents for doing or not doing what you claim you would do in a given situation. I am ashamed to say that I did too. I judged that mom in the grocery store with the screaming infant. Geez lady, control your child. My kid will NEVER do that in public. (C'mon admit you've had the same thought) While the mother may be to blame for having an unruly terror of a 5 year old, she is in no way to blame for the way her baby behaves. Babies do what they want when they want. (Think: honey badger. Same goes for baby.) She is not a bad mom. And neither are you. Babies scream. Babies don't sleep. Mommies are tired. Mommies get frustrated. Baby is not a bad baby. He is simply a baby. And that's what babies do. You are not a bad mom. You are a normal human being that gets tired and irritable because you are tired. It's okay. Breathe in, breathe out. Look at your sweet baby and be thankful that he is healthy and happy. Suddenly that sleep no longer matters. And the next time I see that woman in the grocery store with the screaming baby... I'm going to give her the 2 things that she needs: 1. A knowing (not judging) smile and 2. A hug.... In the hope of reassuring her that she's doing just fine. Because I too have been that mom. In Walmart. With the screamer. From the time we hit the door, until check out. Talk about eating your words.
Mommy Brain: a real and serious ailment. You are scatterbrained, forgetful, confused, and clumsy. Oh, you're not clumsy? Maybe that's just me. I'm very clumsy. And uncoordinated. And unorganized. And... crazy?? No, not crazy. Even though my husband thinks that I am losing my mind half of the time. It's "mommy brain". And it's not an excuse, it's the REASON.
My mother (bless her) has had 6 kids, the youngest of which are twins. Aside from being a saint, she is the most ditzy woman I have ever met. My siblings and I would laugh and roll our eyes at mom and her craziness and she would say "it's from having so many kids!" And she was right. I like to think of myself as a fairly intelligent individual. I'm no genius, but I'm no dummy and "ditzy" is something that I AM NOT. Or WAS not anyway. Since having Max, my brain is no longer my own. It is now mommy brain. The following are examples of what my new brain has caused me to do:
-I threw my mascara into the trash can instead of into my make-up bag
-I put salt in my coffee instead of Splenda
-I often forget words, confuse words, and jumble words (example: Did you wash the poffee cot? I mean toffee pot? I mean coffee.... UGHHH THE COFFEE THING... COFFEE POT!)
-I walked back and forth from my bedroom to the bathroom 4 times before stopping in the hallway and asking myself what I was supposed to be doing... Oh! Tampon! That's right.
-I stirred the noodles I was cooking and then threw the dirty spoon back into the drawer
-I carry dirty diapers from room to room forgetting to throw them in the trash
-I tried to put the crock pot "away" in the fridge (in my defense, the fridge is NEXT to the cabinet where the crock pot goes)
-At least twice a day I walk into a room and stare at the wall in a trance for a solid 20 seconds before saying "hmm..." and walking out. Never knowing why I went in there in the first place.
Now I admit that I had done one or several of those things before ever having Max. It is common to get distracted or to have a "brain fart". The difference between a brain fart and mommy brain is this: a brain fart happens occasionally while mommy brain causes these things multiple times a day. We're not crazy. Well, not yet. I am entertained by my new brain. I just laugh at myself and in a sing-song voice say to Max, "Mommy's losing her mind!". He smiles. He has a sick sense of humor. He's proud of what he's done to me.
2 posts in 1 day? Might as well start this blog off with a bang.
Everyone knows that once the baby comes, sleep is scarce. However, until you have a child, you will never understand the level of exhaustion that a parent of an infant experiences. I thought I knew. I thought I was prepared. I mean, I didn't sleep well while I was pregnant anyway! From peeing every hour to tossing and turning to get comfortable to waking up from crazy dreams (Oh, you're being chased by tigers? You gave birth to a grizzly bear? You are the sole human survivor of a natural disaster and your only hope of continuing survival is to slay your enemies- aka. anacondas- with your recently acquired karate skills? Yeah, WEIRD.) Noooooo noooo noooooo my friend, you are not prepared. Baby needs to eat every 2-3 hours. If he/she is going through a growth spurt, they may want to eat every 45 minutes. If you are breastfeeding, it is only up to you. Your partner can snooze away in dream land while you are up feeding and soothing your little one who has 2 o'clock in the morning confused with 2 o'clock in the afternoon. And, well, there's nothing you can do about it. You just do it. And suddenly the person that needed at least 8 hours of sleep per night in order to function the next day, can function (rather well) on 3. Who would've thought?! Mommies before you say "stick it out! this too shall pass!" And it will! But it hasn't for me yet. Max is 4.5 months old and right when I bragged about his new awesome sleep pattern (11 hours straight- woo hoo!) BAM! We are smacked by the teething monster and a sinus infection. Might I add that this is the first time he has been sick and when I woke up at 6 a.m. to the most awful hacking cough, I was horrified.
Quick!! Call 911!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously, I almost called 911. I'm new at this, I didn't know what to do. I fought the urge to call 911 and called the nurse triage line at our health clinic instead. The nurse said to take him to urgent care. I threw on my hoodie and tennis shoes and was about to head out the door when I realized that urgent care opens at 8 a.m. and it was 6:30. OMG. I silently panicked for the next hour and a half and then cursed the people at urgent care in my head because they were in no hurry to get to us. He needs to be seen. Someone needs to tell me what's wrong. Is this pneumonia? Babies can DIE from pneumonia. Where is the doctor?! What kind of place IS THIS? $@#%&!
It was a sinus infection. He is fine, but no longer sleeping well. Poor baby... Poor mommy... Ugh. I am still mildly traumatized thinking about that morning. "This too shall pass".... well, I'll let you know when it does. And for those of you that had babies that slept through the night from 6 weeks on..... kiss it. Unless you gave them Nyquil, I don't understand how you did it. But I wouldn't sleep well even if he did. I'd still wake up to check... is he breathing? Did he roll over and get stuck? Did he choke on his spit up?
No, he didn't. Whew. He is sleeping like an angel. For the next hour anyway....
I'm writing a blog. A first time mommy blog (in case you didn't get that from the title). I'm young, I'm a newlywed, I'm a first time mommy to the most beautiful little boy, and most of the time I have no idea what I'm doing! One thing I do know: I am obsessed with my child. I have never known a kind of love like this. Most days, I can't even believe that this is my life... that I was blessed with such a perfect gift. That I, someone that has made many mistakes in my life, was given the most precious responsibility. It is a responsibility that I am proud of and humbled by. I seriously underestimated mommyhood. I thought, 'hey, I have 5 siblings, I've worked in a daycare, I'm great with babies and kids. No big deal' HA! I shake my head and laugh at the foolishness that was childless Mallory. It is by far the most difficult thing I have ever, or will ever experience. Coincidentally, it is the most wonderfully rewarding responsibility and one that I cherish daily. Even on days when I want to cry because I am so exhausted, or days when I could vomit just by looking at the mess of my house around me because I have had no time to run the vacuum or scrub the toilet.. which may or may not be forming a nice ring around the inside.. or when I am up to my waist in laundry because little man pooped on not 1 or 2, but 3 outfits before noon... or when I look in the mirror and no longer recognize the person with the dark circles under her eyes, spit up stains on her shirt, short matted hair (no time for that beautiful waist length hair!) jittering from the 3 (or was that 4?) cups of coffee, realizing that I need to shower because I haven't yet today... or yesterday... or............ YES! Even on those days, all it takes is one toothless grin from my baby boy, and I don't care about my appearance or housework or lack of sleep. I will make ridiculous faces and noises and sing silly made up songs and rock him to sleep, because I am his mommy. And there is nowhere I'd rather be, and nothing else I'd rather be doing.
I am writing this as if I am speaking. This blog is not meant to be grammatically correct, so don't judge... or do... I don't care, I've had 4 hours of sleep. I plan to post a few times a week because typing is something that I CAN do while holding a sleeping baby. I am writing this about my thoughts and experiences to share with those of you that care to read... and for those of you that don't care.. well, remember, you came to MY page.. so kindly, keep your opinions to yourself and move along :)
