The Ugly Truth

I just have to be totally honest in this post. Sometimes I need a break for my sanity. Even if it's just an hour to myself, I need a break. Mommyhood is tough. It's the hardest thing I've ever done and I feel like a lot of moms don't say that because if they do, they feel like they have failed in some way. Myself included. I have joked in previous posts about being "supermom".. but in reality, supermom does not exist. We can't do everything for everyone. We need help once in a while whether it is from a spouse, family member, or friend.. even the best of parents need help. I pride myself in being a good mom. Not to toot my own horn, but I feel like I am. I do have my moments though. Every parent does. Sometimes I want to lock myself in a room alone and just sit for 5 minutes. Or put in my ear plugs when baby is screaming unconsolibly and cry too. It's hard being a mom. A lot harder than I thought (as I've said before). Whether it is an hour away, or a night out with my hubby or girlfriends, I need time away. Not often, but every once in a while I need to just spend some Mallory time... after all, I've been Mallory for almost 25 years, and mommy for less than 1. While my son is my number one priority, I can't neglect Mallory altogether. The funny thing is, I say that I need time away but as soon as I am away from Max for an hour, I miss him and can't wait to get back to him. Admitting that you need a break before you pull your hair out is not a weakness and does not make you a failure. It's hard to ask for help... especially when you are a mom and if you are anything like me, you think that it is your job to do everything yourself. My poor hubby sometimes gets the worst of it when I'm exhausted and frustrated and I take it out on him and then I feel bad.... but it's the truth. Being far away from family makes it hard because I would love for Max to spend a couple hours with a grandma once or twice a week not only for them to spend time together, but for me to get a break or a nap or whatever. Maybe someday.....

I also get annoyed when people say "it's totally worth it!" Of course it is worth it. DUH. I would do anything for my baby. He is worth every minute I lose of sleep and every ounce of frustration.... THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT IT IS WRONG to vent or need a break. It does not mean that you don't appreciate your baby. If anything, it makes me appreciate him more. I am a better mommy when I am rested and I am a better mommy when I get much needed alone time. I am not a failure and I am not a bad parent for needing a break or a girls night out every once in a blue moon. Anyway, Max & I are going to visit family on Monday for 2 weeks and I am not only looking forward to seeing them, I am looking forward to giving the grandmas some Max time so I can have some mommy time. Maybe I'll even catch up on sleep! This was on my mind today (as I have been very tired lately from traveling and Max's lack of napping/early rising) and I just needed to be honest and maybe vent a little. It makes me feel better. I am not supermom and I am not perfect. But I am not a failure. Sometimes, only sometimes, though I hate to admit it, Max gets the best of me and I realize that I can't do it all. I find it refreshing when other moms admit that too. I feel like I am not crazy and I am not alone. I feel ya, sister!